i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
