There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
