What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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