I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
