Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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