when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
