Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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