Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
