Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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