I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
