i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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