Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
