he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
