she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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