the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
