His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's get the cat blown out
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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