my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
