Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
