My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
