i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
