i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
