he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
