I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
