Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
