Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize