Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
