matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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