Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
