rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
