I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
