Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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