and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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