someone owes me an orgasm
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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