I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
