someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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