I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
