I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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