What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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