I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
send nudes
from the living room?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
