Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
