a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
