Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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