he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
