all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me I should be a condom model.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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