yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the day after is always just damage control
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
