Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
