I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
