Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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