She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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