i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
