my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
