i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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