what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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