then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
