Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize