You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
