I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
