so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
