there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
