my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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