Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
