matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
