i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
